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Tuesday, August 30, 2005


The worst thing about being a mother is having to witness your child's pain. Her pain is so much worse than any kind of pain I myself can endure. Especially when there is really nothing you can do for that pain. The first time Estee went to the dr. our pediatrician unfortunately was on vacation and she had to see the on call dr. It was a pretty bad experience. The best way I can describe him is very shleppy and very much like the guy from ferris beuller "beuller, beuller..."
His checkup was terrible. He didn't comfort her at all and she screamed the entire time. The combination of being a new mother and my hormones caused me to leave the room in hysterics claiming that I hate this man and want him sued for malpractice. (he didn't hear me) Thank G-d our pediatrition showed me how pediatritions are really supposed to be. He does what he has to do but he also coos at her and pats her back and sushes in her ear to calm her at the same time. he laughs when she is being cute and he always asks how I am doing which is totally not necessary but greatly appreciated.
Thank G-d one of the worst experiences of motherhood was done with this man instead of the other. Today Estee had her first series of shots. yes, shots, in plural. I am not quite sure why they can't just combine them into one syringe so she only has to suffer the stick once. My father says the vaccines can't mix. I guess he knows best. I wish I could've gotten the shots instead of her, maybe she could get them through my breast milk? I guess not...
The worst part of it besides for her crying of course is the fact that I couldnt offer her some kind of treat. I couldn't reward her with a lollypop or a trip to carvel. I did give her a bottle but I highly doubt enfamil is comparable to carvel vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. But when she can have it, I promise, I'll give it. She WAS such a good girl, she deserves it! I have to admit, her little pulkies with the crayon bandaids do look awfully cute....
Today I had an interview and I had the pleasure of being able to take Estee with me. She definitely makes great impressions for me on interviews. She's so cute and she shows the interviewer that I'm good with kids. I finished feeding her at 7:30 and my interview wasnt until 11. I figured I could nap on the couch with her until 9ish, feed her and go. Aaron decided that it was more important to capture the cuteness of his wife and daughter sleeping side by side with the same expression than the possibility of the flash waking his sleeping wife. Well, it did, but we do have a cute picture to make up for it. (I got mad at him because my hair wasn't covered so I doctored it up on paintbrush so I could share it with all of you.) Meanwhile, both Estee and I didn't wake from the nap until 10 so it was a mad rush to get out of the house. Surprisingly I was on time. I guess I've mastered the getting out of the house with baby thing!

Monday, August 29, 2005

my sister is funny

today my sister emailed me saying "do you know your daugther has a book named after her?" see above picture

it's been a while

I am not a happy camper today!

You know when you've been spending too much time indoors/by yourself when you know tv jingles by heart. You know that you are
desperately seeking adult contact when you sing those jingles to your baby. I believe Estee's favorite is "Stanley steemer the carpet cleaner!!" It's fun to dance her around the living room singing it, it's got a great beat. (see, told you I was losing it) I even found an uncle moishe song that sounded like it a little!
Friday was a day from hell. (my birthday, fun fun!) Thursday night my little angel decided that she didn't feel like going to sleep. I was up rocking her, feeding her, burping her, etc until 2:30 am. She woke up again at 5 ready to eat and did not go back to sleep after that. We have a morning ritual that for some reason works. after her 6, 7, or 8 o clock feeding rather than putting her in her bassinet, I put her in the seat and nap on the couch. It's easier to get up if she wakes up after a few minutes and I can rock her while laying down if her eyes start to open. I usually get 1 1/2- 2 hours which helps me a great deal. Friday I wasn't so lucky. Every 20 minutes she would wake up. Finally, I decided to give up and just take her for a walk. usually walking outside puts her to sleep in a second. again, Friday, I wasn't so lucky. I had to stop pushing every two minutes to put the pacifier in her mouth so she wouldn't be upset. I was walking around with her in hopes that she would fall asleep because I had to pick something up from the pharmacy and get myself some lunch and I didn't want her awake in the store because she might cry and I'd have to leave. I finally got her to go to sleep and I went into the pharmacy got what I needed and went to pay. I was getting really annoyed because the cashier was taking forever punching in someones lotto numbers. hello? I have a sleeping baby here! don't they realize?? I pushed the stroller back and forth in hopes that she would stay sleeping while I waited. Right when she finished with the lotto numbers and looked up to see who was next, I was about to step up when this disheveled woman holding a bottle of advil stepped up and said "please, I'm in so much pain." How could I possibly say no to that? So, I let her go ahead of me as I continued to roll my eyes and rock the stroller back and forth. When she finished paying she said "thanks, I wouldn't usually cut in front of a woman with a baby..." aren't I lucky then that you chose me to be your first! (I realized later, could she not have just taken an advil while waiting in line?? that's what I would have done!!!)
So it was finally my turn and the woman behind the counter (who seemed to be having a very bad day too!) rang me up and took my credit card which of course did not go through. I had to wait another 10 minutes while she screamed to the back of the store and told them to get off the line. I finally got out of there and walked my angel home.
As we speak the poor baby is grunting away in her bassinet. She has been living on mylecon drops and I just don't think they are working!! She is not a happy camper. I've tried everything! bubble free bottles, easier to digest formula. I have taken everything that can possibly be gassy out of my diet and she still seems to be in distress.
Last night we went out for chinese. My stepsister who is a veteren breastfeeder was telling me what I can and can't have. I finally narrowed it down to two items when the waiter came and I said "I'm not sure which one I want." he proceeded to explain to me the difference between the two dishes. I looked at him and said " you don't seem to understand sir. can you just tell me which dish of the two isn't gassy?"

Thursday, August 25, 2005


I couldn't resist showing all of you the cutest picture that I took today. I always knew I was funny!

The rudeness of strangers

I always had a problem with the rudeness of strangers. I never needed a total stranger to say hello to me or even to smile (although it would be nice) but common courtesy would be nice! When I was 7-8 months pregnant it was amazing to see how long I'd be leaning against a wall in a waiting room fanning a paper in front of my face before someone would offer me their seat. Sometimes it never even happened. It's kind of ironic because I would be the first person to offer if the roles were reversed. Today I decided to take Estee on a trek to get me some lunch. It really is a whole process getting her out of the house. First I have to make sure she is either sleeping or very content, put her in her seat, take her stroller and packed diaper bag downstairs and set it up outside, then take her in her seat outside and lock up. Sometimes in the midst of that whole process she will start to wail. A few times it was while I was setting up the stroller and I had to run upstairs with the doors wide open to comfort her. Luckily, this did not happen today. We had a very nice walk. 3 minutes into the walk, she was out cold. It's amazing. They should make cribs that mimic a stroller or car ride and all new parents would sleep through the night! We got to burger nosh and I saw that the both doors to get in open out. Not only did they open out but one was not directly in front of the other. So, after finally opening the first door and getting the stroller in I had to maneuver it to fit in the space provided, open the second door, and also be able to get the stroller through. The whole time a nice little family sat at a table two inches from the doorway scarfing down their burgers and watching the crazy lady struggle. There was only two people at the table that were excused from getting up and helping. The elderly lady and the baby in the stroller. Yes, that's right, they had a baby themselves. So you'd think that they would understand. Luckily, a woman was walking in at the same time and held one of the doors for me. I wasn't so lucky on the way out, while the same family sat and watched. Maybe, they figured that the doors pushed out so it would be easier for me. Or maybe they figured I could use the workout? who knows!
As babies grow older it is funny to see how parents treat them like dogs. Hey look at the trick my daughter did today! unfortunately I have succumbed to this terrible behavior. Estee performed an incredible feat today. I put her stomach down on a boppy to help with her gas and to strengthen her neck muscles. She then proceeded to squirm foward so much that her face was down on the floor (she was eating the floor which told me she must be hungry!) and her legs were kicking the other side of the boppy up in the air. I attempted to capture this on film which you see above but it does not fully portray the full extent of her ability. I then called everyone I know and told them to check their email because my daughter did something really cool and I sent them a picture of it. I even named the file "my trick." Sometimes I think it is okay to act this way. As long as we don't take it too far.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Tommorow night I will be partaking in the ultimate mother daughter bonding experience. Tommorow night I am going to take a bath WITH Estee. I bought special mitts at babies r us so I can hold her without my hands being slippery. They're like oven mitts for babies! I am so excited. I only need to clean my bathtub, any volunteers?

The baby sitter

It has officially been 6 weeks. Last night I had my post partum OB appointment. It was so different from all my recent visits. Besides for the obvious-not being pregnant- difference, there was the fact that the waiting room was noticeably cold, a big improvement from my last visit. Also, I think their scale must be broken. During subsequent visits the scale seemed to effectively show proper weight gain in accordance with the growth of my child. This time, I anxiously stepped on the scale in hopes of seeing a tremendous weight loss. Unfortunately, I weigh not much less then I did before July 8th. So basically all I really lost is the 6 lbs 7 oz. of my dear Estee. Wasn't there other stuff in me that's supposed to weigh also? That might explain why none of my clothes, even my fat clothes, fit! (I still think the scale is broken...) Designers are nice enough to make maternity clothes but no one ever told me I'd need post-partum clothes! I have to go out and buy a small wardrobe now? how ridiculous! I absolutely refuse to wear maternity clothes because the way they fit makes me look pregnant and my ego does not need people asking me "so when are you due?" I think I will use the above two photos as my hope that someday I will look like that again (pic on left is 8 months pregnant).
Anyway, I digress....
Aaron was the official babysitter for last night. It's funny, when I'm with Estee, I'm just a mom, when Aaron is alone with her, it's babysitting. I also, unfortunately treated him as just that. Before leaving I made sure to review all the rules and nighttime routine. I'm surprised I didn't leave him with emergency phone numbers on the fridge. When I was finally confident that he knew what he was doing, I left. On my way home I called to check in. "I'm about to give her a bath," he said. I proceeded to warn him about all the dangers involved and warned him about leaving her unattended. Aaron has this way of acting like he is clueless and incompetant when in actuallity he is fully aware. Unfortunately this is not very good for my nerves!
My birthday is in two days, I didn't even realize! The other day my mother asked me what I want. I looked at her puzzled and said, "shouldn't you be the one celbrating this year? I mean, what did I really do that deserves gifts? I should get gifts on July 8th." Seriously, as much as I always love being the center of attention on my birthday, what did I do? My mother suffered 9 months of vomiting hell, excruciating contractions and pushing me out (naturally I might add) All I did was announce my arrival with a cry. This year I vow to buy my mother a card on my birthday. It's only fair. But what I really want? A night of uninterupted sleep...

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Everyone always says that when a newborn baby smiles it's just gas. It was always so cute to watch Estee smile, eventhough it was just gas...But lately, her smiles have been a little more than that. The other day she started cooing and smiling for real. Today was the most exciting for me. She was laying on the living room floor and I was talking to her in my high pitched baby voice and she laughed. It was the cutest thing in the world! Luckily, I just so happened to have my camera handy and I was able to somewhat capture it on film. In real life it was much cuter I have to say...
As mothers, not only do we automatically turn our voice into falcetto every time our baby is near, we also tend to make up a lot of words. For the first few weeks of her life I came up with many crazy nicknames- squishy, squirmy worm, pooper scooper (that one you understand), koosh, etc. I finally found one that has stuck. koochkilu. I like it and she seems to also. Aaron hates it. I don't know why! He's been calling her junior. Wheres the creativity in that? It's not even a girly nickname!
One other thing I love is I can be so silly and it's excusable. I can make any silly task crazy now. For example I sang to her the other day "we're going to see dr Klein, doo dah, doo dah, we're going to see dr. klein oh da dooda day..."it's amazing how motherhood makes you capable of bursting into song about almost anything. It's like a musical- motherhood, the musical! another all time favorite sung to the same tune (I guess we like this one)-- "I'm going to change your diaper doodie, doodie, I'm going to change your diaper oh doodie day, oh doodie day oh doodie day..."feel free to sing along!! I also started doing accents. just minutes ago I said "do you want your pacifier?" in Indian.....

Monday, August 22, 2005

6 weeks...

welcome to the world of motherhood! The truth is I probaby should have started this blog six weeks ago being that Estee turned 6 weeks this past Friday, but, who had the time? The first two weeks were absolutely sleepless and then we got a bit better. I have to just say that I have never loved a human being like this before, it is absolutely amazing. Just look at her!!!
There are a few stories that I would like to share which basically epitomize the first 6 weeks of motherhood. Sometimes during the day, I find that I cannot put her down for a second. I feed her, she falls asleep, I start a task, she cries. I have learned that if Estee has had a bottle and falls asleep I have to hold her for atleast 20 minutes on my shoulder before putting her down. otherwise, she is not in a deep enough sleep and will wake up. Well, one morning, I was actually getting ready to get out of the house with her which is an undertaking in an of itself. Basically every time I put her down for a rest in between eating, I have to put a skirt on, make a bottle, pack part of a bag etc. Anyway, I finally had everything together and had been having to use the bathroom for atleast an hour and she was sleeping. I figured, "Now is my chance!!!" I put her in her carseat and sat her right at the edge of the bathroom. The second my butt hit the toilet seat....CRYING!! and I am not talking about little whimpers. what was I to do? my hands were still clean and I didn't really want to let her cry so long so I picked her up and proceeded to nurse her on the toilet!!! Never in my life did I ever envision doing that! (I'd just like to mention that as I type this, the little munchkin is sleeping away on my shoulder..)
Later that same day we were driving to visit my father in ct. she had just eaten and I figured we would be good for a while. she loves car rides because they rock her to sleep. 10 minutes into the ride I hit the worst traffic. I hoped it would pass soon and she would stay sleeping. wishful thinking! not only did she wake up and start screaming her little head off but there was no exit in sight and we weren't moving anywhere anytime soon. This was enough to get me a little frantic myself. Being a mother has taught me to be as resourceful as possible (exhibit a- toilet story) but I wasn't about to stop and get out of the car in the middle of the whitestone expressway. That probably would not have been a good idea. Instead, I reached back to her diaper bag, pulled out her pacifier and used the little fisher price mirror of hers to help me see her mouth and guide my hand towards it. (while looking in the rearview mirror) meanwhile, the ever so pleasant man decided to honk and honk and honk because it just so happened that as I was trying to placate my screaming daughter, the man in front of me moved a few inches. I'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize to that poor man whereever he is. I am oh so very sorry that I did not have my priorities straight. I really should have let my daughter cry so you could be 5 seconds closer to your destination! Well, we finally got out of traffic only to hit some more minutes later. The pacifier trick worked a few more times. once we were moving again I thought we were in the clear. she was nice and quiet and happy. all of a sudden, she started crying again. and it was a hungry cry. (they say we can tell the difference) so, I did what any good mother would do, I sang the itsy bitsy spider, abcs, wheels on the bus, and pulled off the next exit. I pulled into the first parking lot I saw and fed her in the backseat. Since she has that 20 minutes on shoulder rule, I held her and walked around my car 20-30 times. some people passed by looking at me like I was crazy, but this is the price I have to pay!!
Once you become a parent you become fixated with your child's bowel movements. It's somewhat disgusting but it's also inevitable. The reason for this is if they are pooping and peeing enough and it's the right color and consistancy you know they are getting enough to eat and everything is okay (I HAD to defend myself somehow!)
Anyway, Estee is quite a pooper! (you knew I would have to tell a story about poop after that intro!) More often than not, I will be changing Estee's diaper and she will let me know ever so cleverly that she is not quite done. There was one time when I had just finished wiping her and she decided to go more. I wiped her again, put on a new diaper put on desitin and right when I was about to close the diaper she thought "hey let me get my mommy!" and there went the poop, flying across the room, onto her nice new carpet!!This is not the first time this has happened either. Lots of things happen when I am changing her diaper. Sometimes she will start spitting up and when I go to wipe the spit up I come back to the other end and find a nice surprise. Estee has a new trick that she started to do last week. This also happened while I was changing her diaper. All of a sudden while I was wiping her she let out a scream like she was in pain. I couldn't imagine what could possibly be wrong! I looked at her and noticed that her fist was clenched around her hair and she was pulling very hard. As she got upset, she would pull harder, in turn causing her to cry more, it was quite a vicious cycle! It took me a while but I was finally able to pry her hand off and miraculously, she stopped crying!
It's amazing how men can sleep through anything! one little sigh out of her wakes me up in the middle of the night. She can be screaming her head off and Aaron's still snoring away! I have to admit he is getting a little better. This past Saturday night I asked him at 4, 5, and 6 for help because I had been up with her since 2. He finally decided to help me at 7:30! thanks Aaron. That brings me back to when I was in labor. My labor nurse for that shift trained Aaron to look at my contractions on the monitor, that way he can tell me when it is almost over and reassure me that I am doing great. Later on in the day when we had been there for quite some time, Aaron decided that he was having a tough time and drifted off to sleep. shortly after, my contractions got really bad. All the breathing excersizes I had learned were out the window and all I wanted to do was scream. So I did. "Aaron!!! it really really hurts!!! I want to go home!!" etc... Aaron briefly opened his eyes and said "it's almost over, you're doing great," and then went back to enjoy his nap! See, isn't he great?