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Monday, September 26, 2005

day by day

A few interesting things happened this weekend. First of all, Both Aaron and I had terrible colds. My hands are like sandpaper because every time I sneezed I washed my hands, before every time I touched Estee I washed my hands. I am so afraid of her getting sick. I know I know, she needs to be exposed to germs in order to build up her immune system but after she is three months old. For some reason I have this cut off point in my mind. 3 months old is where it is at. Everything that I have been shielding her from goes out the window when she is three months old. I am not sure why. I will take her to shul, expose her to little kids, go more places with her. I am not sure if I will get less neurotic. That is something I really can't guarantee. On shabbos when we were leaving my mother's house to walk home Aaron was holding her and I told him to put her in her stroller and he said "she is fine like this, I'll hold her as we walk home." For some reason I freaked out. I would not leave until he put her into the stroller. What if she squirms out of your arms and falls onto the concrete? What if a car comes and is about to hit you, atleast if she is in the stroller you can push her out of the way (remember my dream?) Woah, Rebecca calm down. I know it may seem irrational to all of you but I just felt she would be safer in the stroller. I don't know why but I have this fear of concrete. I'm not even sure where it came from. But when we were somewhere recently with her that had concrete I was afraid to let anyone hold her. What if they aren't as careful as me? Maybe I saw a movie once and something terrible is in my subconsious that I just can't shake, I am not quite sure. That is kind of where my other two fears came from. The movie the vanishing, and the san fransisco earthquake where they showed on the news a bridge collapsing. But I digress. So thank G-d so far Estee has not gotten sick...It can be many things either she is immune to our germs, we were very careful or breastfeeding really does prevent illness or something like that. I guess we will never know but lets just pray that she hasn't caught it and won't.
This morning Estee woke up at 5:45 for a feeding. I fed her and put her back to bed at 6:30. She slept until 9. I tried to do the same. Every so often I woke up because she was making grunting noises in her sleep and moving around a lot. When I came to get her at 9 I noticed that she made a complete 360 degree turn. It's funny because last week when I came to get her and she was laying sideways with her legs up on the side of the bassinet. I guess this time she went all the way around. Next time it happens I will try to take a picture because it really is hard to describe unless you know the dimensions of her bassinet.
The other amazing thing she did yesterday was flip over. I know she has done that a few times before but this time she went from her back to her stomach. The poor kid couldn't flip back over, I felt so bad for her.
Another reason I feel bad for her is she so badly wants to suck her thumb. She tries so hard and concentrates so hard and ends up poking herself in the eye, hitting herself in the head. Once in a while she gets it and I think she just doesn't realize that she has the control and moves her hand away. I see how frustrated she gets so a few times I just helped her out a little. Somewhere my dentist father is screaming!!!

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