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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Not getting better

When I went back to work after giving birth and I was upset people assured me, "don't worry, it will get better..."
Well, they neglected to tell me that as each day passes my love for this little girl increases by like double making each day even harder to leave her. Each day she gets cuter and cuter and is growing more and doing cute things I just miss her a whole day long. So whoever said it would get better must have been mistaken. It's not. Whenever I get a moment of down time (which is not often with 24 5 year old boys) I crave eating her up. I rush home after school and try to get a fast spot so I can run up and squeeze her and play. It is so disappointing when she is sleeping. Yesterday I came home to a nice picture. Jenny (our babysitter) was sitting on the living room floor with Estee on her lap and a huge elmo book in front of both of them. Estee was touching and looking at the pages while Jenny was reading. She didn't stop reading when I came in but finished the book and when it was time for her to go she gave her lots of kisses (how could she not?) So, that made me feel a little bit better. But, it's definitely not easier.

6 Comments:

Blogger dad said...

they talk about the child having seperation anxiety, but it is definitely harder for the parent. as you said: looking forward to quality time with her will help alleviate your seperation pain. however, what you have to work on is the guilt that you feel for leaving. she knows that you love her! somehow we men might feel badly that we have to leave them to go to work, but we seldom feel guilty. perhaps it is your maternal instinct combined with your jewish genes!hang in there!
dad

8:58 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

thanks Dad. It helps to have such loving knowledgeable grandparents that have been there once.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Kar said...

...Or three times. There is such family togetherness on this page I needed to join.
Yay for this coming shabbos!

7:06 PM  
Blogger ClooJew said...

Is it at all possible, lulei demistafina, for you not to work and spend your time with your daughter?

I believe that children are much better off when their parents are with them that first year. Some parents don't seem to want to be there and for them a babysitter might be best. But that doesn't sound like you.

I know finances are not easy these days, but...

8:33 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Trust me if I could, I would. If you go back a month or two in this blog youwould see the agony I went through when I had to go back to work. I absolutely wish I could afford to stay home for atleast a year. But, what can I do?

11:16 AM  
Blogger Another meshugannah mommy said...

Boy - do I know that feeling! I had to go back to work full time when my oldest was born - I dropped him off at day care when he was only 12 weeks old. It was unbelievably painful. And, financially, it was a necessity. We were fortunate in that, over the years, I was able to stop the full time work. Now I am part time with a home office.

You never know what life brings you. In the mean time, Estee will grow up seeing a strong, confident mother. Never let anyone feel you feel bad about the choices you make as a family.

It is what it is. And Estee will grow up

3:36 AM  

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